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Copy of: 17-22 inches

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DATE:	11/10/97 7:46 PM

RE:	Copy of: 17-22 inches


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DATE:	11/10/97 6:42 PM

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>
>Just so you know, a cubit is 17-22 inches.
>Marlon


Speaking of arks... (8>)

------------- Begin Forwarded Message -------------

Date: Wed, 8 Oct 1997 09:54:25 -0700 (PDT)


And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:  "In six months I'm going to 
make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the 
evil people are destroyed.  But I want to save a few good people, and 
two of every kind of living thing on the planet.  I am ordering you 
to build Me an Ark."
And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an 
Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
  
"Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd 
better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time."
  
And six months passed.  The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.
The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping.  And 
there was no Ark.  "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?"  A 
lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah.
  
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah.  "I did my best.  But there 
were big problems.  First I had to get a building permit for the Ark 
construction project, and your plans didn't meet code.  So I had to 
hire an engineer to redraw the plans.  Then I got into a big fight 
over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.  My 
neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the 
Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city 
planning commission.
  
Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because 
there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl.  I had to 
convince U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I  needed the wood to save the 
owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls.  So no owls. 

Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.  I had to 
negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before 
anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters 
going on the boat, and still no owls.
  
Then I started  gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal 
rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind.  Just 
when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't 
complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on 
your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they 
had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.  Then the 
Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. 
I sent them a globe.  

Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal 
Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm 
supposed to hire, the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I'm 
trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a 
notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax.  I really 
don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years," 
Noah wailed. 
 
The sky began to clear.  The sun began to shine.  A rainbow arched 
across the sky.  Noah looked up and smiled.  "You mean you're not 
going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked, hopefully.
  
"No," said the Lord sadly, "Government already has."


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