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Re:Sex Scandal Rocks Firmament

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Subject:    Sex Scandal Rocks Firmament
Author: seaoc(--nospam--at)
Date:       2/5/98 5:39 PM

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From: INTERNET:RobinBen(--nospam--at), INTERNET:RobinBen(--nospam--at)
TO: David and Emily, INTERNET:WmsWhitney(--nospam--at)
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 (unknown), INTERNET:JKSOPII(--nospam--at)
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DATE: 2/4/98 6:37 PM

RE: Sex Scandal Rocks Firmament

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My brother sent me this
  Put this in your Monica Lewinsky file.....

Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had =
affair with a former worshipper.  The scandal was begun when a 21 year ol=
woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God's "onl=
son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem.  Sources close to Ma=
claim that she "had loved God for a long time", that she was constantly
talking about her relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to ha=
had his child."  =


 In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying=
"No sexual relationship existed", and that "the facts of this story will =
out in time, verily". Independent counsel Kenneth Beelzebub immediately f=
a brief with the Justice department to expand his investigation to cover
questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether G=
had illegally funneled laundered money to his illegitimate child through =
foreign operatives know only as the "Wise Men".  Beelzebub has issued
subpoenas to several angels who are rumored to have acted as go-betweens =
the affair.  Critics have pointed out that these allegations have little =
to do
with the charges that Beelzebub was originally appointed to investigate, =
God had created large-scale flooding in order to cover up evidence of a f=
land deal.

In recent months, Beelzebub's investigation has already been expanded to =
questions surrounding the large number of locusts that plagued God's poli=
opponents in the last election, as well as to claims that the destruction=
the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah was to divert attention away from a scan=
involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of public land in Promised Cou=
to a Jewish special interest group was quid pro quo for political

 If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a huge blow to=

God's career, much of which has been spent crusading for stricter moral
standards and harsher punishments for wrongdoers.

 Indeed, God recently outlined a "tough-on-crime" plan consisting of a se=
of 10 "Commandments", which has been introduced in Congress in a bill by =
Moses.  Critics of the bill have pointed out that it lacks any provisions=
the rehabilitation of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are planning to=

fight the "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restric=
on free speech.