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HUMOR - Commandments 11-16

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After reading about our postings classifications,  it is important to remember
the fundamentals,  i.e. Commandments 11-16 which never got published by Moses.

Ron Fong
Fremont,  CA

Matthew 5:37 -- The theological background for computer science.

<snip>

Computers, Heaven, and Hell 

A woman approached the Pearly Gates, and Saint Peter asked for her social
security number. The woman told him, and Saint Peter typed on his workstation:

pearly-gates:^/peter grep 212-53-6432 /earth/human/status
The computer responded:

212-53-6432 Cindy Smith cms(--nospam--at)dragon.com!earth naughty pearly-gates:^/peter
Saint Peter then told her she was eternally damned, and that a minivan to hell
would be arriving shortly.

Cindy began to protest "But what did I do wrong? I loved my fellow neighbor as
I loved myself, I was a kind, warm, gentle person! Surely there must be a
mistake!"

So, Saint Peter looked up on the files, and saw, lo and behold that she truly
was a kind, warm, gentle person...until he saw the entry for jan 7,
1992-earth, which read:

***DAMNABLE VIOLATION #69*** 

Posted irrelevant article to newsgroup.
After probing a little more, Saint Peter explained to the woman, "It seems
that on January 7, 1992 you posted an article to Alt.religion.computers. This
article gave no praise of Emacs, no snide remarks toward Microsoft, and not
even a comment on the proper definition of 'hacker'! In fact, the article was
not even relating to computers at all, and discussed, of all things, human
religion! There wasn't even a reference to Bob or Discordianism, Zen, or the
Tao of programming. Oh, dear! This is terrible."

"You see, heaven is a perfect place, and we only have room for the most
perfect people. Ever since we ran the T-3 line up from New Jersey we've been
particularly harsh on breakers of netiquette. Didn't you read RFC-23654? The
one proposing commandments 11 through 15?"

He opened up an XTerm window and searched for some files. After a few moments,
the laser printer spat out a crisp sheet of paper. It read:

11: Thou shalt not flame spelling or grammar. 

12: Thou shalt not have a .sig file longer than 3 lines. 

13: Thou shalt not send "All fags must die" messages to 19 random groups. 

14: Thou shalt not request post a frequently asked question. 

15: Thou shalt not post to a group without first reading a week's worth of
posts, thereby avoiding irrelevant articles. 

16: Thou shall not post administrative requests to the main list.

When she was done, she began to stammer, but Saint Peter stopped her, saying
"I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. To register a complaint, you'll have to
send mail to:

status-change-request(--nospam--at)godvax.heaven.com.
We have a group of cherubim who manage such requests. But don't send it to:

status-change(--nospam--at)godvax.heaven.com,
otherwise your request will be distributed to the whole mailing list. They
*hate* that! In fact, there's some discussion about making that the 16th
commandment..."

At that point, a Dodge minivan drove up and came to a stop. Satan, in the form
of an IBM salesperson, stepped out. "Welcome!", she said. "We've been waiting
for you..." Cindy, almost in a trance, stepped into the minivan and was
whisked away to the netherworld, a world of COBOL, System 36's, punch cards,
incompatible network standards, and irresponsible news posters. Satan turned
to Cindy, and smiled. "You'll like it here", she said, "We have netnews, but
we've greatly simplified it. We have only one group, it's:

alt.talk.sci.comp.soc.rec.misc!"