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From:	Nancy Block, INTERNET:nancb(--nospam--at)jurassic.eng.Sun.COM
TO:	Leonard Rickard, INTERNET:lrickard(--nospam--at)
	(unknown), INTERNET:jcumming(--nospam--at)
	(unknown), INTERNET:netos-writers(--nospam--at)johnson.eng.Sun.COM
	(unknown), wildwoman1
DATE:	4/2/98 5:28 PM

RE:	Fwd: News Funnies

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From: nancb(--nospam--at)jurassic.eng.Sun.COM (Nancy Block)
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To: netos-writers(--nospam--at)johnson.eng.Sun.COM, jcumming(--nospam--at), lrickard(--nospam--at),
Subject: Fwd: News Funnies
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>>> AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
>>>"intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package.
>>>Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
>>> An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and
>>>forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The
>>>kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
>>> A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for
>>>giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated
>>>the school's "zero-tolerance" policy--not to be confused with the
>>>"zero-common sense" policy.
>>> Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that
>>> destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly
>>>installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last
>>>year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole
>>>my new security system."
>>> A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
>>>money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied
>>>up the store clerk and worked the counter himself.  He had been at it
>>>for three hours when police showed up.
>>> More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly
>>>enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars.
>>>According to the Italian police, the would-be space travelers were told
>>>to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined
>>>temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis
>>>and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and
>>>marvel at the views. Tripsto the moon also available." Authorities
>>>believe that the con men running this scam made off with over six
>>>million dollars...
>>> In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his
>>>college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many
>>>business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all
>>>this may not have happened."
>>> Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
>>>couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man
>>>in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll
>>>shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
>>> A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack
>>>designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The
>>>robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was
>>>running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said
>>>police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his

>>> A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
>>> contractions are only two minutes apart!"
>>> "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
>>> "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
>>> In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up
>>>a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
>>>finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand
>>>in his pocket.

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