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New Discovery

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     A NEW ELEMENT IS DISCOVERED
                 - Submitted by J Lans
         ____________________________________
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at a major US research university. The element,
tentatively, named "ADMINISTRATIUM", appears to be very closely 
related to BUREAUCRATIUM - a known deadly poison.. "
"ADMINISTRATIUM" has no protons or electrons and thus has anatomic 
number of O.  

Upon initial inspection, however, it does have:
 - one neutron, 
 - 125 assistant neutrons,
 - 75 vice neutrons and 
 - 111 assistant vice neutrons, 
which together gives it an atomic mass of 312.

PROPERTIES
-----------
* These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
   continuous exchange of meson-like particles called MORONS.  

* It is also surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like 
  particles called PEONS.

PROPERTIES
-----------
Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert.  
However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes 
every reaction it comes in contact with.

According to the discoverers, a minute amount of 
administratium causes one reaction to take over four 
days to complete when it would have normally
occurred in less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately 
THREE YEARS, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes 
a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and 
assistant vice neutrons exchange places.  Some studies have shown 
that the atomic mass actually INCREASES after each reorganization.


OCCURRENCES
-----------
Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium 
occurs naturally in the atmosphere.  It tends to concentrate 
at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, 
and universities.  It can usually be found in the newest, best 
appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be 
toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy 
any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate.  

Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be 
controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date 
are not promising.

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