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Re: Engineering (science) joke[Subject Prev][Subject Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]
- To: seaint(--nospam--at)seaint.org
- Subject: Re: Engineering (science) joke
- From: CLaines(--nospam--at)aol.com
- Date: Tue, 9 Feb 1999 13:16:38 EST
In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch: Lb Limbaughium The heaviest known element. It possesses an everexpanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons. Bc Billclintium With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of interesting changes when in hot water. Eh Canadium Similar to Americium but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often called Boron. Pc lnnofensium Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons, quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose. Nt Newtium Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply. Vp Quaylium Einsteinium it ain't. Ps Budweisium Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water. Cb Cabmium Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is variable; scientists have not determined the formula for calculating it. Po Politicium Contains a great deal of brass. Similar to radon in that it can reach lethal concentrations in the House. Cg Congress Atomic number, 535. Can never be found in a solution. Sn Snot Bonds forever with corduroy. S Kryptonite Kills Superman. That's it. That's all it does.
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