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RE: Building department Blues

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This is a good one.

> ----------
> From: 	Kenneth Tarlow[SMTP:ktarlow(--nospam--at)]
> Reply To: 	seaint(--nospam--at)
> Sent: 	Monday, February 22, 1999 1:43 PM
> To: 	seaint(--nospam--at)
> Subject: 	Re: Building department Blues
> And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to
> make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the
> evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and
> two
> of every living thing on the planet. You are commanded to build an
> Ark." And in a flash of lightening, He delivered the specifications
> for the Ark.
> "Okay," said Noah, nervously fumbling with the blueprints. "Six
> month and it starts to rain," directed the Lord. "Please have the
> Ark completed or all will be swimming for a very long time."
> Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The
> Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. And there
> was no Ark.
> "Noah," said the Lord. "Where is the Ark?"
> "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there
> were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark
> construction process, and your plans didn't meet code. I had to
> hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got in a big fight over
> whether the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.
> Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by
> building the Ark in my front yard. I had to get a variance from the
> City Planning Commission. Then I had problems getting enough wood
> for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the
> spotted owl. I had to convince the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Commission
> that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me
> catch the owls, so, no owls.
> The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
> negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board
> before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen
> carpenters going on the boat, but no owls.
> Then I started gathering up the animals and got sued by an animal
> rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind.
> Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I
> couldn't
> complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement
> on your proposed flood plan. They didn't take kindly to the idea that
> they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.
> Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood
> plan. I sent them a globe. Right now I'm trying to resolve a
> complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how
> many Croatians I'm supposed to hire.
> The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid
> paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got notice from the
> State
> about owing some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish
> the Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.
> The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine, and a rainbow
> arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not
> going to destroy the earth?" he asked hopefully. "No," said the Lord
> sadly.  
> The government apparently has already done that."
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