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Good-Natured Lawyer Bashing

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All engineers should appreciate this humor directed at our fellow
professionals:


Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?

It's called, Sosumi.


What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.


How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.


How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.


If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one
of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?


What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.


What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.


What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.


What does a lawyer do after sex?

Pays the bill.


What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller


What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?

Nothing.  There are some things a pig won't do.


What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

Removable wingtips.


Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.


Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.


You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have
a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.


And finally, from former Eagle Don Henley ....

"you cross a lawyer with the Godfather, he'll make you an offer you can't
understand"