Subject: Dilbert Dictionary
Dilbert's newest additions to add to your vocabulary
in the late 90s office environment:
Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to
absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing
why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who
Seagull Manager - A manager, who flies in, makes a lot
of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.
Salmon day - The experience of spending an entire day
swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the
Chainsaw consultant - An outside expert brought in to
reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with
CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to
describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss
while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers
beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions
that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve.
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are
suspected of planning to leave the company or
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web
error message"404-URL Not Found," meaning that the
requested document could not be located. Used as
in: "Don't bother asking him... he's a 404, man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that are
exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast
food joints, strip malls,subdivisions.Used as in: "We
were so lost in Generica that I forgot what city we
Ohno-second - That minuscule fraction of time in which
you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the
crap out of an electronic device to get it to work
Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a
concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dylan,
my ... um...friend."
Body Nazis - Hard-core exercise and weightlifting
fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out
Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles....
Idea Hamsters - People who always seem to have their
idea generators running.
Mouse Potato - The on-line, wired generation's answer
to the couch potato.
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops
something loudly in a cube farm,and people's heads pop
up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have
children and one of them stops working to stay home
with the kids. Stands for "Single Income, Two
Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that
ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no
Stress Puppy - A person who seems to thrive on being
stressed out and whiny.
Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been
rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn
away from extensive use.
Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies
from one's workplace.
Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically
proficient person in an office or work group.
G.O.O.D. Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying
job people take in order to pay off their debts, one
that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that
are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop
watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed
out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to
split the bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each,but all
anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."