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For all our friends who are/have to live with/ are best friends with
engineers:

Comprehending Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across
campus when one said,  "Where did you get
such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up
on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big
as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting
one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We
must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the
greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime." The group was silent
for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to
contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them."  The engineer said,
"Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional
gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving
his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted
him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they
were having with one of their multimillion-dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone
else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In
desperation, they called on the retired, engineer who
had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent
a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the
day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular
component of the machine and stated,
"This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked
perfectly again. The company received a bill for
$50,000 from the engineer for his service. They
demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
one chalk mark $1 - knowing where to put it $49,999.
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers
and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons.
Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Six

The graduate with a Science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks,
"How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks,
"How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when
a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me,
I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The
frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and
turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay
with you for one week." The engineer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me
and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you
and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer
took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket.  Finally, the frog asked, "What is the
matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that
I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you
want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog,
now that's cool."

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