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The 2000 SEA Roundup Conference will be held at San Antonio's historic
Menger Hotel, right next to the Alamo and just a few steps from the famous
Riverwalk, on September 13-16, 2000.  This event is an unprecedented
combination of three annual conferences sponsored by the National Council of
Structural Engineers Associations, the Western Council of Structural
Engineers Associations, and the Structural Engineers Association of Texas.
There will be a full program of speakers and committee meetings, a large
exhibition of structural software and products, five sponsored meals, and a
comprehensive program for spouses.  Conference registration is only $155,
and the hotel room rate is only $110/night (if reserved by the end of this
month).  You won't find a better value in this millennium!  For more
information and printable registration forms, go to: or

If you haven't been to Texas, your life is incomplete.  This is a special
opportunity to visit the very heart of the former Republic of Texas.  Don't
miss it!  

Stan R. Caldwell, P.E.
Dallas, Texas 

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, 
you grow old because you stopped laughing. 

Therefore, here are some things you will NEVER hear a Texan say, 
no matter how much they've had to drink... 

33. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 
32. Duct tape won't fix that. 
31. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan. 
30. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. 
29. You can't feed that to the dog. 
28. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. 
27. Wrestling's fake. 
26. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 
25. We're vegetarians. 
24. Do you think my gut is too big? 
23. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy. 
22. Honey, we don't need another dog. 
21. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War? 
20. Give me the small bag of pork rinds. 
19. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. 
18. Spitting is such a nasty habit. 
17. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. 
16. Trim the fat off that steak. 
15. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 
14. The tires on that truck are too big. 
13. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. 
12. Would you like your fish poached or broiled? 
11. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 
10. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. 
9.  Little Debbie snack cakes have too much fat. 
8.  Checkmate. 
7.  She's too young to be wearing a bikini. 
6.  Does the salad bar have bean sprouts? 
5.  I don't have a favorite college football team. 
4.  Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side. 
3.  Those shorts ought to be a little longer. 
2.  Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight.
1.  Al Gore, now he's the man for me! 

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