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Headlines in the Year 2051:

1. Florida finally readmitted to the Union ... along with new states of
Alberta, New Columbia, Yukon, Nuevo Leon, and Baja California.

2. Spotted Owl plague now threatens western crops and livestock.

3. George Z. Bush says he will run for President.

4. 50 year study concludes "diet and exercise is the key to weight loss".

5. Nursing home event ... Clinton denies Candy Striper allegations.

6. Texas executes last remaining citizen.

7. California unable to find markets for excess electrical power.

8. Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on mutants ... NBA will now draft K-6.

9. Baby conceived naturally ... scientists stumped.

10. Authentic Year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $9.6 million.

11. All schools ordered to teach rudimentary verbal and written English.

12. Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.

13. Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.

14. White minority demands civil rights and reparations.

15. New California law requires that all machetes, steak knives and baseball
bats be registered before January 2052.


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