The Law of Unintended Consequences can work in your favor.
I have done a pretty good job over the years of training my email system
to trap spam, reducing it to a very minor irritant over that time. Even
though I have had this same email address for more than ten years now – and
despite the ease with which spammers (may they die the sort of grisly death
that the jihadists have in mind for all of us) can harvest my addy, their
dubious communications typically find themselves going straight to the
bit-bucket instantly upon crossing the portal from the Net to my
But I recently noticed that, having made my resume active on Monster.com
a month or so ago, I inadvertently exposed my persona to an a couple of
orders of magnitude more eager and voracious spammers (may their armpit
hairs entangle themselves forever), of the type that are most certainly “non
And those spams are getting through!
But I’m trying to see the silver lining in this cloud of nuisance
communication. I have discovered, for instance, that:
Many young, vivacious (nay, concupiscent) young women are
actively SEARCHING FOR ME on the ‘net, and by making a modest
investment I can discover their names, addresses, phone numbers, employment
prospects, venereal medical histories and the narrow range of their
vocabularies from the comfort of my desk!
A marginally smaller – though even more eager – number of such
women are TRYING TO CONNECT WITH ME (presumably having performed a
successful search, as mentioned above), and it is but a matter of a mouse
installation of several gigabytes of Trojans and spyware, for me to be
transported into this new world of popularity. All major credit cards
accepted (and an impressive number of minor ones as well).
My educational opportunities are boundless, and all such can
be earned online – often without actually taking any coursework, passing any
examinations or learning anything new. I have thought about this and realize
that, since time is money, it only makes sense that you can convert money
directly into the time you would otherwise spend in learning. Rather than
letting myself be unduly enervated by the prospect of underemployment in my
current profession, I find that I can become a Medical Billing Specialist,
Registered Nurse, or one of those cool CSI guys you see on TV. Certainly, having a “backup
plan” for structural engineering is wise.
Just wanted to express my appreciation to those tireless (nay,
“relentless”) computer nerds out there who have been busily engaged in
defeating all my attempts at refusing their spam. Had it not been for them,
I would not only be unemployed, but lonelier, and less well-trained.
I’ll see you folks later. I’ve just discovered that a career as a
home-visit pet groomer could be mine, if I act now. And I have a cyber-date
with “Sindy” lined up for this evening – well, her or one of her five
See ya in the funny